Universal Truths

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Plan to be spontaneous next month.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Everybody repeat after me..."We are all individuals."

Death to all extremists!

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Borrow money from pessimists...they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99.8 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Found by Jesse L. B.