10 Rules For Females Online

1) Before deciding you're falling in love with a man you meet online and you tell him your bra size and other measurements, be sure he's not your long-lost cousin who used to live in the Ozarks and boil his own soap but now has a corner office and works for IBM.

2) When receiving IMs from strange men late at night, always check for a member profile before you chat with them. The only place people like Ted Bundy will have a profile is the FBI serial killer database. So if he doesn't have a profile, beware!

3) Don't read or answer any e-mail that sends you a link to any website with a name like "www.vibrator4u.com".

4) Make up witty answers to the proverbial "So what do you do for a living?" that comes out of the blue from a man in chat. If you don't care to respond to this question honestly, good responses are:

-- "I seal envelopes at home, I'm up to 15 a day now!"

-- "I run a coven of witches out of a small cave near the Delaware coast"

-- "I'm the person who walks behind elephants at the circus."

It just makes chat so much more fun!

5) Watch out for .wav files from men you don't know with names like "bendover.wav', "lemmedoU.wav', etc. etc.

6) When instant messaging an old boyfriend who broke your heart but whom you found in the member directory, it's best to NOT start the IM off with, "You &*%$#@! , rats love cheese, I'll bet you're having brie right now!"

7) Have a picture of "Mimi" from Drew Carey available in your collection of .GIFs. Send this to the cyber freaks who won't leave you alone and tell them it's you.

8) Respond to everything a "jerk" online says with "<~~~not listening, daydreaming about homicide". Keep listing this as a response. It will drive them nuts.

9) If you REALLY meet a nice guy online, call a private detective. Chances are he's in the Witness Protection program.

10) And finally, install a second phone line and keep it free. Forget about your husband calling home. You really need it for the day you might want to order a pizza without having to sign off.

Found by Jesse L. B.