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Prologue

Arrived yesterday. Got off the bus got our stuff. Went into the main lodge for dinner: salad, rolls, spaghetti. Met Ki Wind in person. He recognized me first. He instroduced me to Velvet. The cabin leaders got called outside for some infor session or something. They found out who was in their cabins. Me, Bungee, Ki, Shadow, and Kobald were in the same cabin. Cabin #6. Also we had Bahamut and Wolf something-or-other. Boing to have to ask him his name again.

We took all our stuff to the cabin, then came back for orientation--I think we--that's right--we got our cabin mates together first, took stuff to the cabin, came back for registration and orientation [Gee, my arms' getting tired--not used to writting by hand] then back to the cabin--this is when we were supposed to go to the cabin, but Ki & Shadow already knew where it was before hand. We got to know each other a bit. Bungee (our fearless cabin leader) and Kobald missed most of the orientation. I'm not sure what they were doing in the cabin alone.

At around 9 we navigated up to the campfire. Cabin 6 was the first to arrive. Others soon followed and some people got the fire started. I met Justin Lap-something-or-other Detroiticus. He brought the drum and other various noise making thingies. He wouldn't let me have the drum. I ended up with some shakey thing I forget the name of.

I played with that for a bit and took it back to where Cabin 6 was sitting. Eventually figured out

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some tricks with it. I ran into Furgetta and we slowely pieced together where we remembered each other from--#canadaianfurs. I remembered him posting pictures of spotty cat things--quols. I told him I just hadn't been on that channel 'cause I don't like being on more than one channel.

I played the shakey thing trying to follow Justin's lead. I think I started getting good at it. Then I got the sticks from someone else and traded for the shakey thing. I figured out if you hit it right, you could make the sticks bounce off each other and it sounded like a cricket.

At 11'o'clock We went back to the main lodge. I ate a peach. I was thinking of a apple but there was only one left. We all sat at the same table for a while. Kobald also found me a cookie.

We went back to the cabin and explored the survival guide for a while, then started to nod off. Shadow and someone else went for a shower and came back a little later. Me, Bungee and Ki cuddled for a while before I left them and went to bed. [Bungee's alarm clock is going off now.]

Day 1

I woke up unusually early--couldn't sleep. I thought about designs for ears for a while. Then I thought about camp. I feel really nostalgic here even though I've never been to camp before. It's like as soon as got there I started feeling it. Started feeling a real sense for comraderie with my cabin mates. I felt it really strong this morning--like I was picking up vibes of thousands of warm fuzzy memories from the

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walls. [Everyone is getting up now. It's still raining a bit as it has off and on all night. I guess I'll get moving now.] 7:00 am

Maybe I have a shower. Feel all sticky [Ki just took pictures of me.] from last night. was hot last night so I moved closer to the window.

Evening - Day 1

It's Wolfers and Shade.

Had shower. Was scheduled for Girls at the time I got there but guys were using it. The guy that was in there, Tora, I think, said the girls were assigned a cabin with an en suite shower, so it didn't matter.

Breakfast was potatoes eggs an a sausage. There was oatmeal there too, but I wanted potatoes and didn't think they would go well with potatoes.

After breakfast, I went to the ear & tail workshop. Picked ears with pink, non-furry insides and black furry outside. I didn't quite finish them. I think I know how to do it though. Maybe have a chance tomorrow. We decided to do the tails tomorrow because it was so busy--that was my idea.

Then we had lunch which was a big salad for me. (I had coffee at breakfast to)

After lunch I went to the fursuit workshop. There wasn't very many people there, so we waited for a while. Watched so Angel--the weirdest episode ever.

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Angel got turned into a puppet.

[Kobald just came in, asked me for my website. We started talking about stuff, websites and stuff. Bungee came in and joined in. Kobald said Tux Skunk makes suits from garbage he finds.]

We started on the fursuit stuff. Rollie was showing us how he got his pattern: a rainsuit. We took measurements talked about patterns and stuff and did our own designs. We were taking a long time.

Preditor and Prey started. I really wanted to do that. It was one of the things I had been looking forward to all year. Ever since I heard of it.

Sadly, I neglected to [Ugg. Bungee's on top of me.] [Bungee's putting massage oil on the door handle. Evil mischievous skunkie.] to buy shoes. I kept putting it off and putting it off and never got any. Shoes I did get don't fit right and I left them at home. Sandles I have fit about the same. I wouldn't be able to go all out like I want to. Could do it on bare feet, but crushed rock isn't kind to bare feet.

I love going all out; running full speed, feeling the wind rushing through my hair and hearing it roaring past my ears. feeling the ground rushining by beneath my feet.

Even more I really like the idea of the game. The idea of being out there feeling all my senses fully alive, using my eyes and ears to track my prey--to avoid my predators. Feeling the thrill of the chase all my senses, muscles, nerves all working

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together. To feel all my being, body and mind and instinct united in a oneness of purpose. For even just a few minutes, to feel like and animal, free of contradictions and confusion. One with nature--one with my one purpose; alive. I am reminded of a line in a Rush song, "ever nerver aware." That is what I eman about the excitement.

I'm thinking of writing a poem to express this idea. Hard to describe in regular prose without loosing the emotion. I'm also feeling inspired by Potoroo's songs that he was performing at the recreation centre. I bought his CD so I could listed to it later when I get home.

After comming back from our bread we watched the rest of the Angel episode. I didn't watch all of it. I was kinda in and out, going to the washroom and watching the Preditor and Prey participants longlingly. Maybe I should have just played in bare feet, oh well, next year for sure.

We went back to the fursuit. Rollie finished his design and we started putting it on a pattern and talking about that.

The bell rang for dinner. I hadn burritos--that's what was being served. I also had some of the veggies and noodles I smelled cooking earlier.

After dinner, we had the art swap.

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I bought a Feral t-shirt, and one of thost prints I saw on the day we got here. I also heard Potoroo singing something interesting. Couldn't make out everything but what I heard sounded interesting. The other songs sounded rather meaningfull and inspiring and I felt like comming back to do some writting. And I'm done and need to go out and find something else to write about.

Day Two

Last night after writing I went to the main hall, found most of my cabin there. Met Chiron who gave me a back massage. We scritched and chatted for a while. There was a rush for the snacks when they were put out: Chicken nuggets, pizza and ice cream. I had too much ice cream and went to bed. We all left and went to bed at about the same time, I think I passed out.

Everyone woke up at the same time--or were woken up by those who did. I went in the lake this morning. I it was _cold_. I could feel the water sucking the heat out of me.

For breakfast, I had potatoe wedges. Had to have the wedges.

Bungee's going on the canoe trip in the big canoe. Maybe I'll go too.

Day 2 Evening

I went on the voyager canoe trip. Got a little tiring rowing so long, but I was ok. The canoe was really full.

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We had people sitting in the middle. We paddled out to the other side of the lake and climbed up a rock for 10 minutes. From the top we could see back to the camp and to the hills around the lake. We had a good echo from up there. We all yelled "Arowhon" back to the camp and was radioed back to tell us we were heard.

We came back and I went back to the arts & crafts building. I stayed for a bit to see what was going on, but I missed most of the really interesting stuff. We adjourned there to go for lunch.

Had a really big sandwich for lunch after some mushroom soup. I couldn't finish all of the sandwich. After lunch I wandered up the road and found Wotan and followed him to the nature building--or whatever it's called. I apparently missed the first poetry section which had all the basic information; terminology and such. There were some exercises writing poetry in different structures. I missed the tail making shop to attend. I kinda regretted that--missing it. I didn't really want to spend all my time in the arts and crafts building anyway.

I went to arts & crafts after the poetry thing concluded to see what was going on. Ki was making a skunk tail. Rollie was designing a tail. He had an intersting idea

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for a pattern.

I spent a bit of time on my own in the cabin. I heard on the radio it was 20 minutes before furry improv. Kobalt was having fun ammusing himself with the radio transmitting noise. He also transmitted a toilet flush twice. I told him not to do that. Annoying our hard working facilitators and making their jobs harder is not very funny to me. Maybe one short prank but not constantly doing it. He said someone else was doing it and he joined in.

I heard over the radio that the improv was starting so I went over to see some of that because I didn't have anything else to do. Somewhat ammusing. Not really my thing though. I just wanted to see what was happening. It's not something I could do. I need time to think about things.

For dinner, I had some salad, then came back for coleslaw, brocolli and colliflower in cheese, french fries (can you tell I like potatoes?) and a chicken thigh. I had a brownie for desert and some soy milk (I like soy milk and have been drinking about half a cup at meals. I know no one else likes it.) After dinner I came back to do this writing. Someone was broadcasting noise on the radio and they were switching channels. Very annoying--and inconsiderate if someone was doing it on purpose. I think

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it might be a good thing to broadcast announcements on the radio instead of just durring meals. The FRS radios are not that expensive and it would let people hear information as it came in wherever they were in the park--camp.

Could also broadcast some events or have activities using them.

Ki came in the cabin and is going to play capture the flag. He explained it to me but I still don't have the footwear to let me have the speed and agility I would want to make the game fun. Bungee was here with me too. He said he didn't think he would have the endurance for it. I'm really missing out here. I definately would have got some good footwear if I knew it would be so important.

Day 3

Yesterday night after writing here, I went out to see what the Capture the Flag was about. Looked interesting. I found out later there were differen classes of players. A flag at either end. Everyone had batons they used to tag their opponents with.

Then I had a mind to do some writing so I went to the unoccupied cabin XA. Lay on one of the cots and started writing my poem.

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I had forgotten how long it took to edit something on paper. The poetry corner was starting right after the CTF so that put my mind on it. I was able to hear what was goin on from the cabin. After goin through a couple different ideas such as writting more of a narrative, I settled back on something close to my original idea.

I heard people starting to congregate in the recreation centre so I gathered up my things and started working on it there instead so I wouldn't miss anything. I finished a second nice clean draft right before they turned off the lights. Wotan offered a flashlight so I could continue but I was already done. I remember Bungee and Ki being there. I was going to sit with them but decided I wanted to sit closer. Ki wanted to hear me reading something. I was thinking about reading what I had just wrote, but I was nervous--I also hadn't even read it over to make sure it was right and didn't know if I wanted to do more work on it. I listened to everyone else. Some interesting bits some good but unnecessarily long bits. Ki and Bungee left early because Ki was in pain--pred-prey injury. Things got slower the crowd got thinner, I spoke up and offered to read what I had just been writing. I got nervous once I got up on stage, but read it anyway. Wotan whispered in my ear

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that my poem was "great."

After the poetry corner I helped carry a couple lanterns back to the [Kobald just moved a matress and crossed my "m"] main lodge. I caught people playing chess. My favourite. I watched a bunny take control and destroy a lion to where victory was almost certain, then the game turned with one brilliant move, putting the bunny on the run and snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. I ate some cookies too. After, I played a game with shade. I stupidly threw my queen away but he let me take it back so the game would not be spoiled. It was a close game in the end but I was one move ahead. Shade lost while one move away from victory. We played untill *after* the main cabin was supposed to be closed, but were given just enough time to finish.

During the game some of us lamented on how the "yiff fest" myth was not true. We hadn't seen any yiffing. I asked where it was. Skylos suggest we create some. He was rubbing my back etc, while I was playing. I was rubbing his legs between moves. After the game we both went to my cabin for the washroom. Ki was upset I waited until "after" he left to do a reading. I read it to everyone in the cabin we lingered a while before turning the lights

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out. Me and Skylos went to his cabin for a minute he went in for a few seconds then came out. We held hands and chatted about the moon and stuff and walked up to cabin XA and violated PG-13 then snuggled and talked for a while before heading back to sleep. We got kinda inturrupted in XA at a bad time and Skylos told the person to leave who said we should have closed the door. Sky said he prob shouldn't have said anything, and we should have closed the door.

This morning everyone seemed tired. Breakfast had not the usual crowd when the bell rung. I had oatmeal, yogurt and potatoes and carried a coffee back to the cabin.

Day 3 - close to lunch

Wandered up to the arts & crafts building. Wasn't anyone there. Person who was there said someone went to Rollie's cabin to get him for more fursuit in 3 days. I was too tired and wandered off to bed. Didn't get to bed though went off to the field thinking maybe the ecco games were there and I'd have a nap an see about playing. Instead I found Tayryn in the rec center photographing a squirel comming in and out getting reeces pieces that were left there. We played with the piano a bit and talked about it, someone else came in and joined us. He played really good. We chatted a bit about piano and things he left me and Tayryn (SP?) talked a bit more about

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music, poetry, art, philosophy then left together. I showed him my poem as well and he really liked it. [Lying in bed now. Headachee from lack of sleep and caffeen.]

I was talking about my philosophy and how well furry fit into what I've learned about the world and life. It's interesing how well everything fits together. People searching for their inner animal; finding it, rather. Finding themselves. That inner animal is a part of their humanity. A part that in out modern society [lunch bell ringing] has been forgotten, lost. So long has it been oppressed by our unnatural ideologies and customs, that we hardly know it exists. Still it calls to each of us, becons to us, reaches out from a long forgotten past where we were animals and knew and understood our place in the world. A time when our instincts, when what we felt in out hearts was the truth of our existence. That truth is still there allways with us. We can not change what we are. As much as we busy our selves with our hectic lives. Occupying our minds with our fantasies and calling it reality, still when all is quiet, when we lay down to rest, the beast calls out to us from the dark nether regions of the soul where we fear to tread. I becons us back to our origin.

Our furry selves is that inner beast.

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It is the name we give it. Each of us in out own way. It is out real name, the one given to us by nature herself. The one carved into our soul from the time we were born.

Each of us have an inner animal, our true identity, and animal that has the power to move our soul, to guide us and lead us to the true way--the nature of our existence, the meaning of our lives.

We are taught to fear it, to oppress it. We are taught that it is evil and will lead to our destruction. The truth is that it will set us free. Free us from the ideological bonds evil men use to controll us. Men who have become sick with their power and greed. There are a brave few uf us who, recognizing the utter pointlessness of the bullshit we've been been taught to believe, moved by the dispare of an empty, lost, meaningless existance have dared to listen to the beast within. To invite it out of that dark place it was hidden from us in and let it out into the light. Unleashing it's power and learning from it the truth about who we are. Who they are.

Day 3 - After dinner

Went for lunch, had egg salad, macaronni and cheese, and cheesy toasty thingy. Met Taryn--forgot his name again--I let him read my rant; he liked it.

My lack of sleep is affecting my memory. Went to the cabin and slept for a while. When I got up wandered around and found Bungee.

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We talked about a canoe or something. He went to the cabin for sunscreen. I had a shower and felt a little better. Went to look for Bungee, played frisbee with Justin instead, Bungee came by later--blank spot--He took some pictures. I found Wotan sitting outside struggling with his muse and added to his frustration for a bit. The rain was also against him, forcing him to pack up.

Dinner was a barbique outside. It was drizzling and rain was feared. I nibbled on carrots while waiting, had an apple first. got beads from Miami for reading a poem and playing frizbee. Had a burger and a cupcake for dinner. Talked to someone about how many furs are working at ClientLogic. [Cabin mates are working on the skit. :P I dunnu wanna do a skit.] Oh, and Miami wouldn't gimme a bead for yiffing. Said I got more than him if I did.

[I have words pinned to me.]

Day 3 - Evening

We went to the Rec centre to do our skit. It went over better than I thought it would. There were some good laughs. Mostly it seemed to be more a bonding experience everyone united in one event sharing the experience.

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After the cabin skits I followed Bungee to the wolf howl. We learned about the wolves in Algonquin Park. The projector wasn't working right. Jason had a stuffed wolf cub that was killed on the road. It was eerie looking. The projector kept going off and on.

After the presentation we went outside and Jason led us in a wolf howl. Unfortunately, we did not get an answer. After 3 attempts he had volunteers howl with him to simulate a group howl. He remarked that people usually giggle when they're done and that we didn't. Someone said, "This is Feral, we take our howling seriously." He said he could tell by the headgear some were wearing. He also told us to cup our ears at the start and said some of us were already set.

He then had everyone go at the same time. Some of us howeled like juvaniles. He said it sounded like a real pack with the mix of adults and juvaniles and that we all didn't stop at the same time, we stopped gradually until there was only one--real except for there being too many of us.

After the howl I wandered to the rec centre hoping chess would be there with the other games, but it was not.

I then walked off alone seeing if there was a campfire I could warm up at, but couldn't find one. Maybe it was canceled. I walked through the park alone thinking about all the experiences I had here and all the memories.

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I had a really good time here. I have a really warm feeling inside about all the new friends I met and the experiences we shared. I feel very nostalgic about the experience. This was a very special experience for me. I will be charishing these memories for the rest of my life. I know this for certain. This was my first con, so I expect it to be special just for that fact, but I think there's something different about being outsided surrounded by nature that a hotel con could never do. Something about the atmosphere, being outdoors. The smells, the feel of it. Everything is alive and charged with a life force. You can feel it if you pay attention. If you know how.

I'm writing this in the main hall surrounded by my cabin mates; by other Kindred spirits.

Blackfeather Tanfur, I signed his con book. I let him read page 13, he thought [I just ran out of ink borrowed a pen form Shade. Everyone was quite ammused. Wolf said he wasn't surprised.] it was good and asked if I was interested in spirituality. He has a list on it. Everyone came in for the food--nachos and sandwhiches. Still people in here.

I have a different idea about spirituality. I see spirit as something that flows through all living things from one to another, not by some type of supernatural energy, but through the interaction of living things with

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each other. Information flowing form one mind to another. Each action affecting everyone else. Information, knowledge moving from mind to mind, from conscioiusness to consciousness. All living things are connected into a single planetary conscousness. Even plants and trees are a part of the consciousness as they too have their affect on other living things by their own actions. Plants have a will as verily as any animal, they only move slower.

Homeward Bound - Morning.

Blah--What do I remember about last night?

I talked to Blackfeather some more. Let him read the rest of my post--the rant part. He said it was iealistic. That finding oneself is more of a process--ongoing process.

They were putting benches on the tables and sweeping. It was obvious we'd have to leave soon. I walked to the rec centre. I met Skylos there, looked at some flute things he had. Fifes, I think most of them were.

I decided to go up to teepee heights to see what was happening there and see if I could find Bungee. I met Bungee on the way in front of the main lodge. He was on his way to the rec centre to check on Kobald. Apparently he had much to drink and people were worried about him. Spiked the already spiked punch, he did.

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I went up to the heights on my own. The music could be heard all over camp. I passed some people on the way up that were comming back.

I got up there and went in. It was all smokey. Music wasn't too loud. I found out the smoke was from a smoke machine for the lasers. Fuzzy Bunny found me there. I talked to the lazer guy there about furry for a bit, and about the lasers and the music. He had me stand in front to see the beam effects. Which were really neat. He said the music was too slow and wanted Snowie to play it again. I tried waiting for him, but it didn't happen and I went back to the cabin. I talked with Bandit about for a bit. He told me about he glow sticks and stuff. I went to the other side of the room to see the lasers again. Sat down, waiting for Snowie for a bit. Talked to Justin for a while about dreams where one dreams one wakes up. Then I decided to go back to the cabin to sleep.

Morning-

Woke up--got woken up. Decided to update the Journal. A bit of a rush to get packed up and out. Breakfast bell rang. I'm hungry. Time to eat.

Closing

[Borrowed a pen from Bandit since

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I lost mine] Had oatmeal with sugar, rasins for breakfast. Went back to the cabin to pack up and clean the cabin. I swept the floor.

Ki's ride was here. I gave him a hug goodbye.

We took our luggage to the rec hall when the bus arrived. It's sad to have to leave. To have to leave all the new people I met and return to the dreary mundane existence that awaits me at home. I've just started to think of this place as home and started to build a real sense of community with everyone and now it's over. I wish it could last forever. [The closing ceremonies are starting now] Goodbye Camp Feral 2004. You will live in our hearts forever.